Responsible 02/12/2016 14:41

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Original: Responsáveis

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender = "Hudson Moreira";

Alex: So, let's do lunch?
Programmer: Man... We can't leave this code this way... They will think we're lazy...
Alex: Write a comment: /* We know it's still not good, but we will improve it */
Programmer: Still lazy...
ALex: Lazy, but responsible!
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: /* TODO: To think on a cool phrase to the t-shirt */

Why didn't I think of that 30/11/2016 16:01

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Original: Por que não pensei nisso antes?

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender = "Andrei Izidro";

Programmer: Boss, what do you think about automatize the updates of payment statuses? We would save a lot of time
Boss: No, no... We can't waste time updating those payment statuses... So I thought you should create a routine to update those statuses automatically
Programmer: FACEPALM!
--
T-shirt: You don't say?

Is the server on? 29/11/2016 16:52

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Original: O servidor está ligado?

Transcription ↓

real story;
User (on phone): Your system is not working on any machine here...
Programmer: Is the server on?
User: Yes.
Programmer: Okay, I'll be there soon to see it...
(on server's room)
User: Did you see? The server is on, but the system is not working anywhere...
Programmer: The server is off. That light is from your no-break!
--
T-shirt: I would have to stand up to get more coffee anyway

I had no time 28/11/2016 15:47

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Original: Não tive tempo

Transcription ↓

string sender = "@diego_rsilva";
Wife: Honey, did you search in the internet that thing I asked you earlier today?
Programmer: No, sorry, I had no time. I had a lot of things to do...
Wife: A lot of things? But you spent all day in front of the computer...
--
T-shirt: Lambda calculus

It worked yesterday 24/11/2016 19:16

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Original: Ontem funcionava

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender = "william";

Boss: The customer called and told that the feature "X" stop working, and yesterday it was working well. Check the server and the databases and blah blah blah...
(later...)
Programmer: I checked and it's really not working. And it's the same on every server, even on our test version. Are you sure that it was working yesterday?
Boss: I don't know.
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: Never believe the user

Optimized procedure 22/11/2016 13:58

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Original: Fast & Fatal

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender = "Fabrício Olmo Aride";

Programmer: Alonso, you need to optimize that procedure. It takes too long to execute...
Alonso: Okay...
(30 min later...)
Alonso: I did it...
Programmer: Oh, let me see... Geez! How fast! How did you do it?
Alonso: I just commented 3 updates and it got fast...
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: Fast & Fatal

Is it clear? 21/11/2016 10:17

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Original: Está claro?

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender = "von_e";

Boss: So, I already scheduled with the client the installation for tomorrow...
(Programmer chokes with coffee)
Programmer: Tomorrow??? What? How? Why? Nobody told us! No email, no call, nothing! It has to be clear to us at development before...
Boss: Well, it's quite clear on my head. If it's unclear to you...
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: As clear as a Vogon

Integration table 03/11/2016 16:30

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Original: Tabela de integração

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender = "Eduardo";

Alonso: Ready! I finished the integration table from user's database to our database...
(Later...)
Programmer: Alonso, why didn't you store our database ID in the integration table?
Alonso: Well, no one told me the user wants that thing...
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: AlonSQL Error

Hallowindows!! 31/10/2016 16:08

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Scared?

Transcription ↓

Hallowindows!
This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down.
(Jason's mask, with BSOD)

Our site is slow 25/10/2016 14:56

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Original: O site está demorando para carregar

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender = "Daniel";

Boss: Our site is very slow, could you check what is happening?
Programmer: The internet is down, boss...
Boss: Hmmm... It could be that, right?
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: Could be

 

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