Driverless cars 16/09/2015 22:06

And you thought they were just good and innocent cars...

tirinha
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Have you ever realized that the Cars movie is set in the future when driverless cars have already eliminated all the human beings?

Capital Letters 15/09/2015 21:27

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Original: Maiúsculas

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real story;
string sender;
sender = "Victor G.";

User: Since you updated the system my computer is writing everything on capital letters!
Programmer: Tell me, is there a little light turned on at your keyboard written "caps Lock" or an "A"?
User: Yes!
Programmer: So press "Caps Lock" key at the left border of your keyboard...
User: It works!! When did you install this key here?
(Programmer's glass crashes)
--
T-shirt: I'm not the support guy

Do you have any requirements? 14/09/2015 18:36

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real story;
string sender;
sender = "Hans Vledder";

Boss: How long would it take you to implement a dialer for our customers alarm system in C++?
Programmer: Do you have any requirements I can take a look at?
Boss: No, but it is simply a dialer, so come on now.
Programmer: I won't be able to give you an estimate if I don't know what it needs to do.
Boss (angry): Well the alarm system has a 2K EPROM, so come on now.
Programmer: I can fill that EPROM with zero's or ones within 15 minutes for you, or does it need to do anything particular?
Boss (mad): Of course it does, you idiot, I just told you THE CUSTOMER NEED A DIALER!!!
Programmer: Hmmm, ok...
Programmer: Do you have any requirements I can take a look at?
--
T-shirt: I'm not nike to just do it

alert() 11/09/2015 22:31

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real story;
string sender;
sender = "Tiago";

Alonso: Dude, are you good in javascript? I copied an alert code from a tutorial, but it's returning an error...
Programmer: Let me see...
Alonso: I got that code: alert("Strings must be enclosed in quotes");
Programmer: And what's the error??
Alonso: It shows an error box saying that the strings must be enclosed in quotes...
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: You interrupted my minesweeper for this??

Another developer 10/09/2015 10:00

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Original: Mais um desenvolvedor

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real story;
string sender;
sender = "Marcelo";

Boss: How much time do you need to finish your tasks?
Programmer: About 18 hours
Boss: Ok. And if I add another developer, could you finish until 12pm?
Programmer: It's 10am now. What kind of math are you using?
--
T-shirt: 2+2 = NaN

Agile 09/09/2015 23:34

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Original: Agilizando a produção

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real story;
string sender;
sender = "Marcelo";

Manager: I was thinking and I know a way to agile the production... From now on we will develop systems without bugs to avoid wasting time on debugging
Programmer: Geez, man! Why no one thought of this before??
--
T-shirt: Division by zero

System speed 08/09/2015 22:54

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Original: Lentidão

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real story;
string sender;
sender = "Uedson Carlos";

Boss: The users are complaining about the system speed. You need to fix it to avoid complaining
Programmer: The tech team already checked and it's network problem, as we told you before
Boss: No, you didn't. But I told them that the problem might be a clogged cable...
--
T-shirt: ¯\_(?)_/¯

Definition of Done 13/08/2015 09:02

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Original: Definição de Pronto

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/* Definition of Done */
String[] senders = {
"Edson Yanaga",
"Bruno Souza"
};

Boss: Done?
Programmer: It’s done! Just compiling now...
Programmer: It’s done! Just need to test!
Programmer: It’s done! Just need to deploy!
Programmer: It’s done! Just a small bug, I’ll fix it!
Programmer: It’s done! It’s just the file that’s corrupted!
Programmer: It’s done! Just need to configure…
Boss: The customer says it is not working…
Programmer: How come? It works on my machine!
--
T-shirt: It's all true!

We've lost everything 12/08/2015 18:09

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Original: Apagaram os dados

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real story;
string sender;
sender = "Mauro";

Alonso: Someone updated the tasks table. WE'VE LOST EVERYTHING!
Programmer: What?
Alonso: That table has now only one column and all the records were replaced by the 8 number!
Programmer: I'll see it on my computer
(Later...)
Programmer: Everything is ok in the database
Alonso: Oh, forget it. Instead of * I typed "8" on select...
Programmer: FACEPALM!
--
T-shirt: Why me?

Project issues 11/08/2015 09:16

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Original: Projeto com problemas

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real story;
string sender;
sender = "Gordinho";

Boss: DAMN, PROGRAMMER! DO YOU WANT TO CRASH OUR COMPANY? WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME ABOUT THE ISSUES ON THE PROJECT??
Programmer: What? I told you! I sent an email explaining everything!
Boss: DAMN, PROGRAMMER! YOU SENT ME AN EMAIL AND YOU EXPECT I WOULD READ?
--
T-shirt: <? die(); ?>

 

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