Invisible button 19/03/2015 23:30

tirinha
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Original: Botão Invisível

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Conrado Adolpho";

Boss: Our client wants a invisible button on system to access site statistics without anyone else know how he does
Programmer: What an awful idea!
Boss: Do what he asks, because you don't talk with the users, so you don't know how to do it...
(Later...)
Boss: The user called complaining because he's not finding the button with the statistics...
--
T-shirt: I'm not designer

From the future 18/03/2015 18:26

tirinha
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Original: Do futuro

Transcription ↓

Programmer: Hey, who are you?
Programmer from the future: I am you, from the future...
- Geez!
- I came to bring you an advice: You have to get off from that project, before it will be too late
- But the boss said the user wants a simple system and the money will compensate the implementation
- Trust me... There's no requirements gathering. The only thing your boss knows is that the user wants something, but not sure what. They won't do any analysis and you'll carry all project by your own. After a 7 months implementation, with overtime, sleepless nights, changing requirements, reimplementation and tons of workarounds, the user will say that it's nothing like he had thought and you'll have to start all over again
- But if I change the future, you'll not exist anymore and you won't come back to give me this advice!
- Probably my timeline will become alternate, but it's worth to sacrifice...
- Or it may generates a space-time paradox that coulde explode the whole universe!
- Trust me, it would still be worth...
--
T-shirt: #100

Priorities 16/03/2015 22:24

tirinhaEN-99

Original: Prioridades

Transcription ↓

Programmer: Hey, Boss! We need to improve our ticket system. I suggest to create 3 priority levels: Urgent, very urgent and extremely urgent...
A.P.: Without medium and low priorities?
Programmer: Have you ever seen here anything with priority lower than urgent?
A.P.: You're right...
--
T-shirt: I hate mondays

Overtime 13/03/2015 22:18

tirinhaEN-98

Original: Hora extra

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender;
sender = "bidú";

Boss: Are you busy tonight?
Programmer: Why?
Boss: I need a favor. It's quick...
Programmer: What would it be?
Boss: I need you change all DNS on our company, then change server version from Debian to Fedora... Just an update. Could you stay here about 10 minutes after your regular time?

Injection 12/03/2015 23:46

tirinhaEN-97

Original: Injection

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Diego Pablo";

Programmer: You shouldn't pass a form field value right to the SQL. A hacker could manipulate your query!
Alonso: Oh, but I don't do this! First I put the value on a variable, then the variable goes to the SQL!
Programmer: PLAFT!
--
T-shirt: XAVIER INSTITUTE FOR GIFTED PROGRAMMERS

Phone app 11/03/2015 23:09

tirinhaEN-96

Original: Programa para celular

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Rodrigo Ottero;

Boss: How is the development of that phone app?
Programmer: Well, using only one resource, at part-time, I estimate 25 days...
Boss: But why will it take so long?
Programmer: <Detailed Explanation>
Boss: But the cell phone is much smaller than a computer, how could it take longer to develop an app to it??
--
T-shirt: I.T. iPhone /home

Database 06/03/2015 19:02

tirinhaEN-95

Original: Banco de dados

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Fernando Zambrotta";

Friend: Man, I'm having a lot of troubles with databases at my company. Could you help me?
Programmer: Which database management system are you using?
Friend: Excel!
--
T-shirt: Do you know Google?

Company logo 05/03/2015 10:56

tirinhaEN-94

Original: Logo da empresa

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Tadeu Classe";

User: The company logo is not being displayed on the system reports!
Programmer: hmmm... Have you inserted the logo at the system?
User: No, we didn't have a logo yet... But we have a business card. It fits?
--
T-shirt: The world might have ended when they promised

Project Deadline 05/03/2015 01:41

tirinhaEN-93

Original: Prazo de projeto

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Paulo Ribeiro";

Boss: Well, you estimated 3000 hours to this project, but our client wants it on 30 days!
Programmer: Calculating... 3000 hours, 3 resources, 160 hours/month... Well, 6 months!
Boss: What could we deliver on 30 days?
Programmer: The Marketing team has some nice gifts...
--
T-shirt: No idea for this t-shirt

Important field 03/03/2015 10:37

tirinhaEN-92

Original: Campo importante

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender;
sender = "Douglas";

Boss: Where is the field type_species?
Programmer: You asked to remove it, so it was removed
Boss: Impossible! I would never ask it. This is an important field for all the system...
Programmer: Ok, then I'll put it back
Boss: Well, but I wonder if it's really necessary...
--
T-shirt: true false maybe

 

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