User auth 21/01/2013 15:00

User auth

Original: Senha no pagamento

Transcription ↓

/* True story sent by Lucas Saliba */
Boss: I want you to put a user auth on the payments page.
Programmer: Alright... Just so I know... Why do you need to auth the payments?
Boss: It’s simple... Imagine you lose your bill, then some wise guy finds it and goes and pays it...
--
T-shirt: I'm back

Where's the coffee? 18/01/2013 15:10

Where's the coffee?

Original: Onde fica o café?

Transcription ↓

/* True story sent by Elison j. */
Programmer: Man, this is my first day here... Could you answer me a question?
Coworker: Say it...
Programmer: Where's the coffee?
Coworker: Coffee? Nobody drinks coffee here...
Programmer: LET ME OUT!!!
--
T-shirt: No coffee, no life

Method Names 17/01/2013 07:18

Method Names

Original: Nomes dos métodos

Transcription ↓

/* True story sent by Gabriel Fonseca */
Boss: The names of your methods aren't obvious...
Programmer: What do you mean?
Boss: The point is that I never know which verb was used
Programmer: exclude() isn't obvious?
Boss: 'Exclude' is the worst! It has to be 'delete' because it's the same letter
Programmer: BUT WHAT LETTER??
--
T-shirt: Go figure

42 16/01/2013 23:47

42

Didn't understand? Ask the Google Calculator...

Transcription ↓

(Coffee break...)
Coworker 1: I was wondering... What is the answer to life, the universe and everything? Love?
Coworker 2: Success?
Coworker 1: Happiness?
Programmer: he he he
Coworker 2: Why are you laughing?
Programmer: Because I know the answer… But you won’t like it...
--
T-shirt: 42

Simple modifications 15/01/2013 19:19

Simple modifications

Original: Alteração Simples

Transcription ↓

Client: So, have you finished those modifications on our system?
Programmer: Not yet. It will be done only by tomorrow, afternoon
Client: Tomorrow?!? But it's just a simple modification!
Programmer: ok. I'm sending it now to your email
Client: What?? Have you finished??
Programmer: No. I'm sending the source code. Since it's simple, you can do it by yourself
--
T-shirt: You're wrong. Always.

Backup 14/01/2013 11:54

Backup

Original: Backup

Transcription ↓

/* true story sent by Washington Aquino */
Programmer: Do you have an updated backup from the database? I'll need to restore it.
Support: Backup??? Oh, sure, I have it...
(At the computer)
DROP DATABASE?
OK!
Programmer: Can you send me the backup, please?
Support: Well... backup??? uh... I was embarrassed to tell it... But I don't know what a Backup is
--
T-Shirt: Why didn't I go to med school?

Random Strings 14/02/2012 15:59

Transcription ↓

/* Sent by Muriel Godoi */
Programmer: I developed a new way to generate random strings...
A. P.: How? It's based on processor's clock?
Programmer? No... Just let the trainee using the "VI" and asked him to close it...
A. P.: Effective...

Original: Strings aleatórias

Proprietary software 13/02/2012 20:06

Transcription ↓

Friend: I've heard about "free" and "proprietary" software... Why do you call "proprietary" the non-free software?
Programmer: It's simple... Because when you buy the software, in a weird way, it becomes your proprietary... He owns you!
Friend: But if I bought it, i'm the owner!
Programmer: Really?? So, who defines how will you use the software? Or on how many computers you can use it? Or if you can update it? Or else, who chooses if you can know how it works inside...

Original: Software proprietário

SQL Error 30/01/2012 16:26

Transcription ↓

/* True story sent by Erisvaldo Carvalho */
Manager: What code is it that you're trying to fix?
Programmer: SQL...
Manager: Hmmm... Let me see it...
Manager: I wonder that the error is there on these -- (minus minus), because "minus minus" equals "plus"... It's a calculus fail

Original: Erro de SQL

Confidential 17/01/2012 14:45

Transcription ↓

/* True story sent by Aloisio Almeida Jr */
Wife: Darling, you never told what you're working on
Programmer: It's because my actual project is classified...
Wife: What??? Are you saying you don't trust me?!?
Programmer: HUMPF... ok, I tell you...
15 minutes later (after a "for dummies" explanation)
Programmer: So, this is it... Got it?
Wife: Oh, no... But I don't care...

Original: Confidencial

 

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