The client list 05/08/2016 14:51

tirinha
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Original: Listagem de clientes

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real story;
string sender = "eu_franco";

Boss: I need a list of all customers registered on the system for tomorrow morning
Programmer: Ok
Boss: Could you put their name and address in the list?
Programmer: Is there their address in the database?
Boss: No, but it might have a way...
(Programmer's glass breaks)
--
T-shirt: Mister M

Face recognition 04/08/2016 14:57

tirinha
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Original: Reconhecimento facial

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real story;
string sender = "Walter Azevedo";

User: I think I wish a face recognition module on login...
Programmer: Wow, wait a while! It's too complex to develop now. We would have to postpone the deadline
User: No, it's not complex to do! The hard way is to verify if the face is the same as the one in the database. But you could verify if the face is different of the faces in database... So it's easier!
(Programmer chokes with coffee)
--
T-shirt: Damn you Hollywood

A fluffy site 03/08/2016 14:28

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Original: Site fofo

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real story;
string sender = "@tberne";

Programmer: So, what do you expect from your site?
User: I would like a fluffy site!
Programmer: Uh... And what do you mean by "fluffy"?
User: Well... A fluffy site, like... cottony!
(Programmer chokes with coffee)
--
T-shirt: Now I've seen everything!

May I update it? 02/08/2016 16:12

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Original: Posso alterar?

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real story;
string sender = "Canez";

(Call from support guy)
Support: Dude, help me: I have to update an invoice description... Or maybe the value... I don't know... Also I don't know what kind of invoice... May I update it?
Programmer: Let me see, you don't know what you have to change, not even the kind of invoice, but you want to know if you can update it?
Support: Wow! yes! You got it!!
Programmer: NOOOO! First you have to know what you really need!!
(Programmer throws the phone againt the wall)
--
T-shirt: Ctrl+Alt+Del

Obfuscated code 01/08/2016 03:56

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Original: Código ofuscado

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string sender = "Gustavo";
Boss: We need to buy a software to obfuscate the source code
Programmer: No, we don't need...
Boss: What? Why not?
Programmer: Our intern already writes obfuscated code...
--
T-shirt: Beautiful is better than ugly

C Compiler 29/07/2016 15:19

tirinha
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Original: Compilador de C

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real story;
string sender = "Marcos Lima";

Trainee: Dude, could you suggest me a good C compiler?
Programmer: Sure! You could start with devcpp, which has a compiler, a debugger and the code editor...
Trainee: Great! Can I ask you only a quick little favor?
Programmer: Say it...
Trainee: Could you teach me how to program in C?
Programmer: FACEPALM!
--
T-shirt: To infinity and beyond!

Visibility 28/07/2016 16:00

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Original: Visibilidade

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real story;
string sender = "Dewes";

Boss: Who can see the messages in that forum you've installed here?
Programmer: Everyone...
Boss: Ok, but who? The users?
Programmer: Uh, yes...
Boss: But they can see only if they access it, right?
Programmer: ?
--
T-shirt: It's not hard to be above par

Simplifying the search 27/07/2016 15:21

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Original: Simplificar a busca

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Boss: The customer wants to take off all those search options. It's heavy and confused...
Programmer: Ok. Just tell me how he wants to filter and organize the data, then I will create the rules inside the SQL, optimizing it, with less options.
(The next day)
Boss: It's very simple: He wants a Google like search. Only one field to write anything. It doesn't have to be in order, but the first item MUST be the one that the user wishes...
--
T-shirt: Occult computer science

Are you the tech support? 26/07/2016 11:02

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Original: Você é do suporte?

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real story;
string sender = "Cleórbete Santos";

Manager: Are you the tech support?
Programmer: No, I'm a programmer
Manager: Great! It also serves...
Manager: Go downstairs, get some boxes I have let there and take them to my office...
--
T-shirt: I should have been sick

It's not working 25/07/2016 15:51

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Original: Não funciona

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real story;
string sender = "Felipe (@hupfauer)";

User: Your system is not working!
Programmer: Explain it better... What do you mean by "it's not working"
User: A tech guy came here, formatted my computer, now your system is not working anymore...
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: Use Windows, you deserve it

 

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